The Lighter Side of Torts - actual courtroom exchanges

The following blurbs are from actual court transcripts - you simply cannot make this stuff up. As serious as the world of personal injury law is, there is comedy to be found as well. Exhibit A is below. So, yes this doesn't relate to real estate law, sue me.

Pedestrian Accidents -


"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

Multi-Vehicle Accidents -


"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him." (She pushed him through the intesection)

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."


Apportionment of Fault, or the "It wasn't me" Defense -


"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert"

"I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 miniutes early."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."


Please repeat that...

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?"

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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."

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Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
Witness: "Yes, sir."
Lawyer: "What did she say?"
Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"